


Hedging Your Bets

by Mithen



Category: DCU - Comicverse
Genre: Animal Transformation, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-18
Updated: 2012-04-18
Packaged: 2017-11-06 02:24:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/413677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mithen/pseuds/Mithen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a run-in with Circe, Superman and Cyborg find themselves in charge of a menagerie.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hedging Your Bets

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into 中文 available: [Hedging Your Bets](https://archiveofourown.org/works/678720) by [Lynx219](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lynx219/pseuds/Lynx219)



Superman had just arrived on the Watchtower when a huge golden eagle landed on his shoulder with an audible _thump._ A yellow beak clacked near his nose and Clark found himself staring into predatory amber eyes.

Cyborg's voice came from the door, sounding harried. "Sorry, Superman. That's--" The eagle cut him off by flapping its wings and shrieking.

Superman dodged buffeting wings. "You said you had some kind of emergency? What's an eagle doing here?"

Cyborg started to speak again, and two more animals darted past him, one on either side, jostling him. A golden retriever bounced up to Superman, panting, then sat down abruptly and held up its paw for him to shake. The other animal, a boar with wicked tusks, started rooting about in the corner, snuffling.

Superman raised his eyebrows at Cyborg.

Cyborg shrugged. "We...had a run-in with someone calling herself Circe. Wonder Woman seemed to know her, but we didn't have much time to talk."

"Circe," repeated Superman. "Like the Greek enchantress."

"Apparently a lot like," said Cyborg as the retriever let out a sad whine, its paw still held up toward Superman. "She said some kind of spell about reflecting our true natures, and--" He shrugged again. "I don't know why I wasn't affected, but probably because I'm only part-organic," he said, with an echo of his old bitterness.

"So, who..." Superman let the sentence trail off as the eagle tried to eat the curl on his forehead, then screeched in annoyance and abandoned his shoulder for the back of a chair.

"The eagle is Diana. The dog is Flash."

Superman looked down at the imploringly friendly brown eyes of the golden retriever. "I would have expected a cheetah or something."

"She said 'true nature,' so I assume it's working off personality, not powers."

Superman finally shook the dog's paw. Delighted, it threw itself down on its back, inviting Superman to scratch its belly. He obliged. "So...how aware are they?"

Cyborg grimaced. "They seem to have some rudimentary awareness of self, but none of them seems to have higher-functioning intelligence. They didn't respond to their names, and none of them have made any attempt to write or otherwise communicate."

Superman looked at the boar, which had finished smelling everything and was now sitting and looking at him out of deep-set little eyes. "Why am I not surprised Green Lantern is a pig?" Cyborg rolled his eyes. "And where are Arthur and--"

There was a sharp foghorn bark and a sleek, whiskered figure stomped into the room, looking annoyed at the lack of water.

Superman and Cyborg looked at it as it tossed its head back and let out a hoarse, angry yelp. "Near as I can guess," said Cyborg, "The spell went for 'king of the beasts' and then got--I don't know, maybe it was Atlantean magic or something, so..."

"...A sea lion," Superman finished. "And...Batman?"

Cyborg bit his lip, and Clark couldn't help but glance upward quickly, half-expecting to find a bat hanging on the ceiling. But no, the spell targeted personality, and Bruce wasn't actually very much like a real bat. He looked at the door, waiting for a sinuous black panther or a majestic stag or a fierce wolf to come slinking through.

"As for Batman..." Cyborg reached into one of the pockets on his belt and slowly drew out a small, bristling ball.

Superman looked at the hedgehog for a moment, then back at Cyborg's carefully neutral face. "Batman?"

"Batman."

Superman held out his cupped hands and Cyborg deposited the hedgehog into them, where it remained tightly curled up and tense. The golden retriever ran over to sniff it and drew back with a whine and a balked expression as it made an angry huffing sound and _popped_ up into the air a few times like a spiky piece of popcorn.

"So what do we do now?" Superman asked, feeling tiny trembling paws against the palms of his hands.

"The incantation said it would last until the next sunrise," said Cyborg.

Superman shot a look at the boar, who was eyeing his cape speculatively. "I guess we'd better raid the fridge for some vegetables. And maybe some meat and fish," he added as the eagle screamed again. An angry bark. "And get Aquaman to the pool, I suppose."

**: : :**

An hour later, the League was tolerably well-fed and content. Superman looked at the bank of monitors showing the sea lion frolicking happily in the League pool, the boar rooting through the hydroponic gardens--Clark winced as it knocked over a tray of lettuce and squealed happily--the eagle asleep on the back of a chair. Cyborg was back in his quarters, the golden retriever panting at his feet.

The little black hedgehog was still curled up in an inflexible ball on a table, brandishing spines at the whole world.

Clark wasn't sure whether to sigh or laugh, so he suppressed both urges. "Hey there," he said instead, sitting down at the table and reaching out to touch the hedgehog--he supposed he'd better start thinking of him as "Bruce"--with a cautious finger.

Bruce curled up tighter, his spines bristling in every direction like a vicious tribble.

"Oh, come on," said Clark, annoyed and amused at the same time. "I'm the closest thing to a friend you've got in the League, you have to loosen up sometime. Besides," he added, "Your prickles don't bother me a bit." He reached out and patted the spiny back with an invulnerable hand. "See?"

There was a deeply indignant huffing noise from underneath the spines.

"You can bluster all you like," Clark said. "I'm not going to rush you. I know you, you'll uncurl when you're good and ready to uncurl and not a moment sooner."

The little ball of spikes didn't disagree with him.

"That's the thing that's so fascinating about you, Bruce," Superman said, turning his attention back to the monitors. "You bristle and snark and make a big show of being unapproachable, but sometimes I think you stay so tightly wound up and prickly just so people won't realize you're surprisingly cute under all that armor. You know what's even more fascinating?" He was speaking more to himself now, musing. "I think the bristles are part of the charm, actually. I don't think I'd find you half as interesting if you had all your friendliness out on display like Flash does--not that he isn't a great guy, but...I don't know. I kind of like that someone has to put in some extra work to get past your defenses, and that you don't let them down for just anyone. I admit sometimes you don't seem worth all the work, but--"

There was a cool touch on his hand, and he looked down in surprise to see the hedgehog sniffing at his hand with a small black nose. When Bruce realized he was looking, he snapped back into a ball of intimidation again, emitting nervous huffs.

"I'm not buying it now, Bruce," said Clark, and he scooped the hedgehog up into his hands. Bruce tucked his head more firmly down and bristled, but Clark just reached out with a finger and smoothed the spines down on his forehead. "Stop being stubborn and admit you're curious."

After a moment the ball uncurled just enough to reveal two beady black eyes blinking up at Superman.

"I'm not going to hurt you, I promise. Come on, you know you can trust me," Clark said.

A long, suspicious moment, and then suddenly four little black paws stuck out from the ball and the hedgehog scrabbled upright in Clark's hand, nose working furiously as he stared around. Clark put him back on the table, and he snuffled around as if taking everything in.

"The World's Greatest Hedgehog Detective, that's what you are," Superman said. "Collecting clues." The spines were fully lowered now, leaving Bruce looking almost fluffy; Clark smoothed a finger down his back and received an annoyed look, but the bristles didn't return. "I bet things look pretty unusual from your current vantage point." Bruce reached the edge of the table and ran along it, sniffing. When he finished his circuit he looked up at Superman with a very familiar glare.

"Okay," said Clark, "You're giving me that 'you're rather dense' look, and--oh, you're probably hungry, aren't you? Cyborg and I looked up what hedgehogs eat and apparently they usually like larvae, slugs and beetles, but we decided you might not forgive us if you found out we'd fed you that--and we were pretty sure you'd find out somehow--so I hope you're content with blueberries."

He reached over and grabbed a saucer of plump purple berries and put it on the table. Bruce's nose worked furiously, examining each globe, until he apparently chose the perfect one. Then he stuffed the whole berry in his mouth, cheeks bulging as he made smacking noises of contentment.

Clark stifled a laugh with great effort. "Who's the cutest little bat-hedgehog, pigging out on blueberries? You are!"

Bruce shot him a look of the greatest disdain and consumed another blueberry. Then he ran across the table and onto Superman's hand. Clark picked him up without thinking and Bruce scrambled across his arm and onto his shoulder. Clark felt tiny claws digging into his suit, heard a tiny snuffling by his ear.

"I take it this means we're friends?"

A cold nose poked his earlobe briefly, and Clark decided to take that as a yes.

**: : :**

"Go long!" There was an eruption of noise at the door; a tennis ball came crashing into the room, pursued by a golden retriever and sea lion, both yelping at the top of their lungs. The animals skidded past Superman on the smooth floor and crashed into a wall; the eagle woke up and bated furiously, screaming.

The hedgehog on Superman's shoulder curled up like it had been tasered; Clark caught it before it hit the floor.

"Sorry, Superman," said Cyborg from the door, wading into the fray between the retriever and sea lion to get his ball back. "I have to say, these guys are a lot more fun as animals. Too bad we've only got a few hours before they get boring again." He gestured at the bristling little ball of spikes in Superman's hand: "Sorry I left you in charge of Mr. Prickles there."

"Oh, he's got a soft side," Superman said, smiling. "You just have to be patient."

"Better you than me!" Cyborg wrested the ball away from the deliriously excited retriever and they were off again in a flurry of barking and yelling.

Beady black eyes peeked out from among spikes again; Clark reached out to smooth down the fresh bristles and decided it was best to let Cyborg have the last word on the subject.


End file.
